Tonight at 9pm we will be admitted into the hospital to being the induction
process and hopefully our first born will be here sometime tomorrow.
There are so many thoughts running through my head right now that I figured the
best way to "handle them" was to write them out so I'd remember this
day forever.
I woke up an emotional mess this morning trying to go over every scenario
and thing I thought needed done before tonight. Granted, there wasn't
much on the list, but it was still overwhelming. Some of this emotional
meltdown might have had something to do with the fact that I was awake until
2:30 and then wide awake for the day at 6:30. As I laid there watching
Tom sleep I realized that this was the last morning we'd ever wake up in our
bed without being parents. I started thinking about how I'd miss it being
just us two, but then thought of how much we're going to love our little boy
(even more so than we already do). After that minor meltdown I realized
that Tom's birthday, our anniversary, and Tom's first father's day are all next
weekend. I haven't planned ahead very well being on bed rest so of course
I realized today that I need to pick up a few things so I'm prepared for next
week in case I don't leave the house. *I hope he doesn't read this before next
week, ha!*
Don't get me wrong; as much as I'm sad to close one chapter of our lives,
I'm ecstatic to start the next chapter. A baby is something that Tom and
I have both wanted and dreamed of since before we were married. I'm so
glad we waited until ten years of marriage to have this baby. As much as
I thought we were ready five or six years ago we definitely weren't. I
think God knew that and kept us in situations that weren't ideal for having a
baby.
I'm also thinking about how a year ago at this time we weren't even sure if
we were able to have children due to the chemo that Tom was on ten years
ago. I'm so grateful that everything worked out this way and that we are
able to have a child of our own.
Huge occasions in our lives are usually filled with family by our
sides. Unfortunately since we live at least 2,400 miles away from our
families that makes this a little tough. Thankfully technology will allow
us to "see" our families via Skype and face time. There's also Facebook
so they will get to see I'm sure daily updates about our baby’s firsts.
As much as I'm grateful that we have those things at our fingertips it would
still be nice to be closer to family. This baby boy is already so loved by
so many that I'm sure he'll feel the love no matter how far away they
are.
Tom is going to be a great dad; this is something I've just known for as
long as I've known him. He is so patient, kind, and loving, and that's
just with me. I can only imagine how much love he will have for his
little boy. One of the things I'm looking forward to most about tomorrow
is seeing his face when he holds his son for the first time. It makes my
heart melt just thinking about it.
As excited as I am about meeting our baby boy, there are a few nerves about
the delivery process. I know it's not going to be easy, and people do it
every day so I'll be fine. The only part that makes me nervous is the
unknown and not knowing what to expect. But, like all things there will
be an end in sight and once I see my little boy I'm sure it won't seem so
bad. (At least I hope).
Writing out these thoughts has helped clear my head quite a bit. It's
amazing how just getting things out somehow makes things seem not quite so
overwhelming. I hope I get a chance to write about the birth experience
sooner than later depending on how well we get adjusted once we're home from
the hospital.
Hopefully by this time tomorrow he'll be almost here and I can squeeze his
chubby cheeks and kiss the little toes that have been kicking me for
months.
Thomas Daniel Brown III we love you and can't wait to meet you tomorrow!
