"My story is not over." This phrase keeps coming back to my mind as I try to find adequate words to honor God through the loss of Isaac. God is not done with me yet. I don't know what God has planned for my future, but I do know that He is sovereign and His purpose for my life is far better than anything I could ever plan on my own.
Through losing Isaac, God has taught me many things. He taught me to draw nearer to Him than I've ever been because I cannot stand on my own. He has made Himself known even when His will is not mine - even when His answers to my prayers are not the answers I wanted. He has taught me to try to be patient and wait for more of His plan to unfold. He has taught me that, even though my heart will never be the same after losing a child, there is hope in Him. He has taught me how important grace is. In the time since we lost Isaac, I have thrown many fits during my talks with God. I have not earned His grace, yet He gives it to me. Every time. He has taught me to find peace with His plan, despite the pain.
God will continue teaching me how to navigate grief until He calls me home. He will not cease because I am His and He says my story is not over. Isaiah 43:1-4 says that we are His people and He called us by name; He will not forsake us; He loves us. As much as I love my son and long to have him here with us, God loves and longs for me many times over. God has not abandoned me, but carried me through the toughest time in my life, because He loves me.
And even though my story isn't over, I know He will sustain me through it all. He knows my tears. He knows my pain. Even though he allowed immense grief into my life, He still loves me and has greater plans that require this to be my path. It was uncomfortable to be open and grieve, but I didn't want to stay in the darkness that had surrounded me. I wanted to be able to feel joy again and to begin healing.
This is not the road I would have chosen for myself, but I am choosing to praise God in spite of my suffering. I am confident that God will continue to use my story and Isaac's life to bring light to darkness. This is why my story is not over.
