What I want out of this life is this: to raise my (current and possibly future) children to love Jesus
and to love others. For them to always feel so loved and secure and
able to come to me with anything. I want them to ALWAYS, ALWAYS know how
loved, treasured and prayed for they are. And I want to be fully
present for all of it.
If I get to do that, only that, the rest of my days, it's enough. And you can quote me on that. This is my God-sized dream. And it scares the you know what out of me. My fears? My worries? They are all, ALL centered around somehow failing my children. Which is silly, because I am one VERY flawed, messy human. Of course I will make mistakes. But the anticipation of these mistakes is what keeps me awake at night.
I was asked by a mom friend recently what I hoped to learn in the coming year. My answer was simple (and a little embarrassing). I said I wanted to learn how to not pass down my fears, my worries to my children. I wanted to learn how to make them feel secure when I feel the opposite.
I'm a hypocrite. I tell my son (who can't even comprehend what I'm saying yet) to have faith and to trust Jesus but I don't. Not really. If I did, my fear wouldn't be camped out on my shoulder constantly. I wouldn't be running worst-case scenarios through my mind, because I would truly believe that Jesus would make any worst-case scenario doable. Right now I am a bad advertisement for the faith I know I have deep down, underneath all the lies that tell me this world is way too scary to trust in a God.
So to answer the question, what I want is this:
To show my children that love wins. That Jesus loves us, even when we feel unlovable. That we can trust him, even when logic tells us it's safer to rely on our own understandings. That they are loved, treasured, and adored, not just by their parents and family but by God. I want to be there for their skinned knees and their bike rides and their sibling squabbles. I want to give them birthday parties and Christmas traditions and breakfast every day. I want to kiss their sweet cheeks. And I want to dance with them at their weddings.
And that's enough for me. What do you want from your life?
