Thoughts about the Connecticut tragedy

I thought I worried about Thomas before... before last Friday when I heard the awful news of the tragic event in CT.  Now, I am a mess.  I have always been a worrier... I get it from my mom.  I worry over just about everything, but I especially worry about my boy.  His health, whether or not he is eating enough, if I am being a good mom and a good example.  I worry about him getting hurt, emotionally and physically.  I worry that I might not be around to see him grow up and if that is the case, whether or not someone will make sure to tell him every day how much I love him, how much he was longed for and wanted, and how he has made me the happiest mom on the face of the earth.  After last Friday, I don't want to ever let him out of my sight.  I just want to hold onto him and try to protect him from everything evil in this world.  I know I can't possibly do that, but after everything I went through to get him here, with me, I sure do wish it was possible.  I feel guilt for bringing him into a world that has so much evil but I have been trying to remind myself that there is still much more good and I need to focus on that.  I need to teach Thomas to focus on that. I have hugged and kissed on him so much over the last few days that I am sure he is sick of me, but I can't stop.  I can't stop telling him how much I love him and how lucky I feel to be his mom.  He definitely doesn't understand me and he won't remember at this point, but some day he will be old enough to remember and I want to take every opportunity I can, so there is never a question in his mind. 

The recent tragic events has caused me to reevaluate my life and try to prioritize things a bit more.  I want to be a good example to my son and be the best possible mom I can be for him because he deserves that and so much more.  My goal is to strive to be better.  At everything.  At being a mom. At being patient and understanding.  At being more spiritual and doing a better job of inviting the spirit into our home.  I want to be a better wife and give Tom and Thomas a better home environment.  I am all too aware of the fact that I fought very hard, and prayed even harder to have children and I owe it to him and to our Heavenly Father to do the best possible job in raising him.  

I can't even imagine what those parents are going through, and I hope I never have to.  And though I don't know them personally, all I can do is pray for them.  Pray for peace and love to surround them over the next few weeks, months and years as they do something a parent should never have to do.