Next Step

This week was a rough one as we conquered a new step in the grieving process.  We gathered up all of our courage and visited the cemetery Monday night for the first time since Isaac’s funeral.  Tom has wanted to go for quite a while, but I wasn’t ready.  After finally being honest with myself I realized I was never going to be fully ready to go back, but I needed to be there for Tom. 

The tears started flowing as soon as I turned into the cemetery.  My immediate thought was to figure out a reason we needed to leave so I didn’t have to go.  But, I went.  We pulled up to Isaac’s spot, and I’m not going to lie – it was hard.  Every detail from the day of his funeral came rushing back - details I had pushed as far back in my mind as possible. 

But, there was also another feeling – I felt closer to him than I had in months.  I don’t even really have words to describe it, but after the initial hard few minutes it wasn’t so bad.  We even smiled at one point thinking about him. 

After getting home that evening I was alone for a few hours and just sat and thought about him, and how far we’ve all come in the past four and a half months.  I seriously wouldn’t wish this feeling or circumstance on anyone, but looking back I can see how far we’ve come.  And that’s what I’m choosing to focus on today.  

I Peter 5:7 - Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.