Slow down little guy! He's 2!

I'm not really sure how so much time goes by between blog posts.  I have this idea in my head that I will blog consistently, but that never seems to happen.  I know we all get the same 24 hours in a day, so maybe I just need to manage mine better?  Ha!

Anyway, between this and my last blog my boy turned 2 years old!  I still can't comprehend that one.  There are days it seems like he's been around forever, and then there are days where I feel like he could only be a few months old.  

For his birthday we threw him a milk mustache and cookies party, and it was so much fun!  He wanted nothing to do with the party though, as it was held at his current favorite park.  He didn't understand why he wasn't allowed to go swing and play on the playground.  He also had absolutely no interest in opening presents so Mom and Dad had to take turns doing it for him.  Overall, it was a great day and so many people came out to celebrate our little man.

I'm also going to just throw this out there - teething stinks.  He has been so miserable for the past few days.  Thankfully we don't remember this part of our lives or we'd be traumatized.  I'm only hoping that this one will cut through soon and he won't be in pain anymore.

The newest thing he says now all of the time is "okay".  That's his answer for yes.  "Are you okay?" - "Okay."  It's so cute how he is learning to create 2-3 word sentences.  

Hopefully it won't be as long next time before I do this again.  :)

Being a Mom

As Mother's Day is upon is I thought I would list some things that surprised me most about being a mom:

• Babies don't stay for babies for long.
• I've learned what love and sacrifice mean.
• It gives me the tiniest glimpse into what grace means.
• Love is deeper, wider, and stronger than I ever thought possible.
• Love covers up so much brokenness.
• Caffeine is a life saver (too bad I quit having it six weeks ago).
• Folded laundry is a triumph (and slightly over-rated).
• I have no clue what I'm doing and that's okay.
• How truly right my mom was all along.
• I'm surprised by how much Thomas's giggles, dance moves, and sloppy kisses make my heart want to explode.
• I was amazed at how quickly I could fall in love.
• I knew I would love him, but I had no idea how much I would genuinely enjoy being around him.
• I never knew how much love my heart could hold, to the point I feel like it overflows at times.
• How amazing my child has become (already!) in spite of my flaws.  He came from heaven this way and how I haven't massively screwed him up is nothing short of miraculous.
• I'm in awe of how much he has already taught me about myself, life, and loving people without holding back.
• How unimportant most of the "important" things in life are.

If there's one thing that I've learned in being a mom for almost two years is that this is the role I was made for.  That boy is the light of my life and I'm so, so blessed to be his Momma.  

Happy Mother's Day to all of my Mom friends - I hope you're all feeling equally as loved and appreciated, not just on Mother's Day, but every day of the year.

Life...

I wish I could slow time down.  Only certain times though.  If only that were possible.  I would slow down the time I have at home with my boys on the weekends and speed up the time at work while I'm away from them.  I guess this is where I just need to learn to take full advantage of the time I am at home with them.  

We went on vacation for two full weeks in February.  We had such a good time, but being away from our own space for fifteen days with a twenty month old was a lot.  We loved introducing Thomas to Toms side of the family and spending time with them as well.  As much fun as we had, there's something exciting about coming back home.  When we walked in the door after being gone for so long Thomas squealed and ran through the house saying "hi" to all of his toys.  Thinking about vacation from his point of view - he honestly didn't know we were ever coming back to that place.  Poor guy.  

There have been some changes in our church lately, that have been upsetting, but in the end I have to remember that I'm not in control and that the Lord knew what was coming, and allowed it to happen.  I guess in the end all I can do is pray and learn to let go of all my frustrations, which is easier said than done.  I'm not upset that the changes happened, or even how the changes came about anymore.  What I am upset about is that the people we love and call our family no longer go there, and we no longer see them on a regular basis.  But, as I said before, all I can do is pray for them and everyone involved and try like crazy not to grow apart.

Thomas is growing so fast and is learning new things every single day.  It's still amazing to me that this little boy is mine.  I can't remember what we used to do before we had him, and can't imagine what I'd do without him.  

Just some random thoughts to get them out of my head.  

Valentine's Day

I don't know about you, but I've never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day.  Don't get me wrong - it's nice to give "extra" love to your loved ones on this day, but I have always felt that V Day is just a day for Hallmark to make more money.  I feel the day is so commercialized that it loses its real meaning.  

And besides, who wants to get flowers at work on the same day every other woman does?  Doesn't that lose the "You're Special" part of getting flowers?  That, and the obvious issue - flowers are four times the amount just this week during the year because stores know that people will pay the higher cost.  

I'm so glad Tom is on the same page as I am with this.  Yes, we tell each other "Happy Valentine's Day" on this day, but the love we have is so much deeper than going out of our way one day a year to tell each other.  I would much prefer that we go out of our way to show each other how much we love them without a day on the calendar telling me I have to.  

I guess I'm rambling now so I'll leave you with this:


To those that love the holiday, and to those that don't love it as much - Happy Valentine's Day.  

~April
 

God has a plan...

If you know me at all, you know that I am a plan every detail of everything, I make lists and I am (kind of) a control freak.  Well, recently as I stated in my previous blog I feel like even bigger changes are coming in our lives.  I'm not sure exactly what it could be, but I have some ideas.  So, as scary and overwhelming as some of those thoughts might be, I know that in the end God has a plan for my family.  The biggest questions are - "Am I strong enough to go wherever that plans takes me?"  "Do I trust in God enough to know that it's all going to work out?"  

Those are the questions I think about at least once a day (sometimes several hundred times, but who is counting) and I'm learning that each day it's becoming easier to trust that it's all going to be okay.  One song that I've become obsessed with recently has helped me put words into how I was feeling when I couldn't come up with words.  

"Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You've never failed and You won't start now."    

"Take me deeper than me feet could ever wander."

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders."

"My soul will rest in your embrace - I am yours and You are mine."

Here is the video of the song.  I just can't get enough of it!

Random Thoughts to Clear My Mind

Being real and completely honest with people is hard.  Especially when you know what you have to say might hurt them.  

I've learned some things over the past week that are hard to take and process.  It's hard to understand how and why this could have happened and how I missed all of the signs before.

I've been thinking about babies lately.  Like, a lot.  And it's like something clicked with everyone else too, as it seems anyone and everyone is now asking when and if we will have a second baby.  The answer - yes, that is the plan.  Just not now.

I miss my family.  A ton.  Some days are better than others, but when I think about them missing out on all of Thomas's "firsts" or accomplishments it makes me sad.  

We are going to visit Tom's family for two weeks in February.  We haven't seen most of them for two years and only his dad and sister have met our awesome boy.  Looking forward to that.

I have a lot on my mind about "Where should we be?"  "Where does the Lord want us to be?"  "Am I content with how things are and the way they are going?"  

I have an awesome husband that understands and "gets" me.  He knows when to give me space to process things.  At the same time, he also knows when it's acceptable (in my mind, that's never) to tell me that I'm over-reacting and should move on.  

I have a little boy that thinks that the world revolves around me.  As much as he loves Tom as his daddy, he wants me most of the time.  At the beginning I felt that it was my job to reinforce to Tom how much Thomas loved him too.  Now, I realize that this little boy loves both of us, and in different ways.  If he's not feeling well, or is tired, or is upset, or if he just wants a kiss or hug he comes to me.  If he's feeling playful or wants to be rough he goes to Tom.  So, I've decided that on days I feel not "good enough" as his Momma, I have to remind myself that God chose me to be that little boys world.  Yes, I'll make mistakes, but that's okay.  I just need to keep going and be there for his cuddles, kisses and hugs.

Things are changing in our church and with our church family in a huge way.  I have no idea how to process most of this and I have no idea where our family is supposed to go or if we're to continue where we are.  We're just praying that doors would open or a path will be shown to us.  

I guess that's all that is going through my mind currently.  If you read all of that, I'm impressed and feel sorry for you.  But, thanks for letting me get it all out.  

Goodbye, 2013

I always feel a little funny on the last day of the year. Part of me is excited at the possibility of a clean slate. I don't exactly make resolutions, but I do set goals for myself, and some of the time I actually accomplish them. I'm usually pretty excited to leave the hard things of the year behind. The setbacks, the worries, the pain, well, I hope it will stay put and not follow me into the new year. Which is really naive of me, but I digress.

 

On the other hand, New Year's Eve is weird for me. I spend the entire day feeling a little uneasy, a little unsure. What is to become of 2014? Should I worry? Will I be able to handle it? All of it's challenges, all of it's hurdles? Should I curl up in a ball and pretend nothing is changing? Should I stop trying to grow, stop trying to get stronger? Sounds good to me.

 

But it's not.

 

2013 was a good year, but had it's challenges as well.  There was pain.  There was fear.  There was not feeling like a "good enough" mom.  There was missing our families.  BUT, there was love.  There was never ending support from Tom.  There was SO MUCH love from our little boy.  There were first steps.  There were first "words".  There were first kisses. And I felt closer to God than ever before.  I thought I couldn't do it, and He carried me all year long. Where there was fear, He was there.  He sent a women that loved me like a sister. She held my hand, prayed for me and with me, and said "You are strong and you can get through this."

 

If 2013 was a mountain, it was the one of the highest  I've ever climbed. But it also had the best views, without a doubt. 

 

My word for 2014 is peace. That's my goal, that's what I want to strive for. Peace in my heart, peace in my mind. Less worry, more peace. More realizing that giving up this facade of control is the best thing I can do. Realizing that peace in my heart is a gift I can give my family. That they want their wife/Momma to be an instrument of peace, not a giant ball of stress.   

 

Here's to a new year of love, joy, and peace, and asking big things of God this year and knowing I won't regret it.