Random Thoughts to Clear My Mind

Being real and completely honest with people is hard.  Especially when you know what you have to say might hurt them.  

I've learned some things over the past week that are hard to take and process.  It's hard to understand how and why this could have happened and how I missed all of the signs before.

I've been thinking about babies lately.  Like, a lot.  And it's like something clicked with everyone else too, as it seems anyone and everyone is now asking when and if we will have a second baby.  The answer - yes, that is the plan.  Just not now.

I miss my family.  A ton.  Some days are better than others, but when I think about them missing out on all of Thomas's "firsts" or accomplishments it makes me sad.  

We are going to visit Tom's family for two weeks in February.  We haven't seen most of them for two years and only his dad and sister have met our awesome boy.  Looking forward to that.

I have a lot on my mind about "Where should we be?"  "Where does the Lord want us to be?"  "Am I content with how things are and the way they are going?"  

I have an awesome husband that understands and "gets" me.  He knows when to give me space to process things.  At the same time, he also knows when it's acceptable (in my mind, that's never) to tell me that I'm over-reacting and should move on.  

I have a little boy that thinks that the world revolves around me.  As much as he loves Tom as his daddy, he wants me most of the time.  At the beginning I felt that it was my job to reinforce to Tom how much Thomas loved him too.  Now, I realize that this little boy loves both of us, and in different ways.  If he's not feeling well, or is tired, or is upset, or if he just wants a kiss or hug he comes to me.  If he's feeling playful or wants to be rough he goes to Tom.  So, I've decided that on days I feel not "good enough" as his Momma, I have to remind myself that God chose me to be that little boys world.  Yes, I'll make mistakes, but that's okay.  I just need to keep going and be there for his cuddles, kisses and hugs.

Things are changing in our church and with our church family in a huge way.  I have no idea how to process most of this and I have no idea where our family is supposed to go or if we're to continue where we are.  We're just praying that doors would open or a path will be shown to us.  

I guess that's all that is going through my mind currently.  If you read all of that, I'm impressed and feel sorry for you.  But, thanks for letting me get it all out.