Goodbye, 2013

I always feel a little funny on the last day of the year. Part of me is excited at the possibility of a clean slate. I don't exactly make resolutions, but I do set goals for myself, and some of the time I actually accomplish them. I'm usually pretty excited to leave the hard things of the year behind. The setbacks, the worries, the pain, well, I hope it will stay put and not follow me into the new year. Which is really naive of me, but I digress.

 

On the other hand, New Year's Eve is weird for me. I spend the entire day feeling a little uneasy, a little unsure. What is to become of 2014? Should I worry? Will I be able to handle it? All of it's challenges, all of it's hurdles? Should I curl up in a ball and pretend nothing is changing? Should I stop trying to grow, stop trying to get stronger? Sounds good to me.

 

But it's not.

 

2013 was a good year, but had it's challenges as well.  There was pain.  There was fear.  There was not feeling like a "good enough" mom.  There was missing our families.  BUT, there was love.  There was never ending support from Tom.  There was SO MUCH love from our little boy.  There were first steps.  There were first "words".  There were first kisses. And I felt closer to God than ever before.  I thought I couldn't do it, and He carried me all year long. Where there was fear, He was there.  He sent a women that loved me like a sister. She held my hand, prayed for me and with me, and said "You are strong and you can get through this."

 

If 2013 was a mountain, it was the one of the highest  I've ever climbed. But it also had the best views, without a doubt. 

 

My word for 2014 is peace. That's my goal, that's what I want to strive for. Peace in my heart, peace in my mind. Less worry, more peace. More realizing that giving up this facade of control is the best thing I can do. Realizing that peace in my heart is a gift I can give my family. That they want their wife/Momma to be an instrument of peace, not a giant ball of stress.   

 

Here's to a new year of love, joy, and peace, and asking big things of God this year and knowing I won't regret it.