Sometimes the things that I dread the most turn out to be something so much more special than I ever imagined. I found this to be true again today. My friend Tricia had five friends over for brunch this morning, including me. All of us at that table, except Tricia, had lost a baby. It was so amazing to meet these other women, and know they "get" me, and I didn't have to put up a front on how good I'm doing. There were tears, there was some laughter, but most importantly I saw the love they have for their babies too.
I dreaded going because social gatherings have been awkward for me since I lost Isaac. I feel like I walk on eggshells so that I don't break down or lose it in front on a group of people. I hate being that vulnerable, but today I didn't have to worry about being the only one.
When Tricia invited me I loved the idea of meeting these other moms, but this morning I woke up extremely nervous and almost backed out at the last minute. I had this picture of us all sitting around crying, and then leaving. I even had another friend that was ready to call me for an "out" if it became "too much". Instead, I was at her house for almost three hours, and it felt like we had only been there for half an hour.
What I also saw in that room was a group of ladies that have also had their faith completely shaken, and yet we all talked about how we've grown closer to God since losing our babies. It was so refreshing to see others that have the same perspective.
What I learned today is that God doesn't want us to go through the rough messy stuff alone, and if we're willing to go out of our comfort zone, there is sometimes great rewards. I'm hoping the women I met today will become friends for years to come.
Before leaving there today a couple of them told me about songs that have helped them with their grieving and healing. While driving home I was reminded of a song I posted on my blog back in April of 2012. I've listened to that song so many times since this morning. "Even when it hurts, even when it's hard, even when it all just falls apart - I will run to you 'cause I know that you are lover of my soul, healer of my scars."
And I'm praying that God will continue to bring people into my life that will encourage me to keep going back to Him when life gets hard and messy, and I'm thankful that our friend invited us all into her home so that we could have that time together. Forever thankful.
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