October

It’s the first day of October and I have extremely mixed feelings about it.  October is normally my favorite month in Indiana.  The leaves start changing, the air gets a little more crisp and colder, and it’s officially fall, which is my favorite season.

I have been looking forward to fall since we decided to move back to Indiana in January.  This would be the first time I would technically feel fall weather in ten years since we moved to CA.  That anticipation was only made better by finding out we were going to have baby number two in October as well. 

With the sudden loss of our son in September at 34 weeks pregnant, I’m feeling sad about this October as my due date approaches.  This was supposed to be the month our boy was born and our lives were forever changed again for the better.  However, now I’m just looking at the due date on the calendar filled with sadness.  Our lives were forever changed, just different.

 

About six weeks before we lost our son we were visiting a church and the pastor preached on Job.  That man had many trials and most people would have been angry at God, but he said to his angry wife in Job 2:10 “But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak.  Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?”  It was unknown to me at the time why, but I saved that verse in my phone so I would remember it.  Well, fast forward six weeks, and while in the hospital I remembered that verse.  We can’t tell God to use us and then expect only good things as that’s not how it works.  I don’t know why this happened, and maybe never will, but I’m believing that good things can come from this somehow. 

There will most likely be some sad days surrounding the date that I’m dreading, but I refuse to let this keep me down.  There have been daily reminders that God is there for me and I’m not alone.  I just have to trust that better things are coming for us. 

So October, let’s be friends and make amazing memories to replace the sad ones that are already lingering.