Today was your due date Isaac. I knew this day would come, but I still feel so unprepared for it. You should be here by now. I should be cradling you in my arms, feeding you, being up all hours of the night with you, watching you sleep, and memorizing your tiny features. And falling completely in love all over again.
I don’t know what to say other than I’m so sad you’re not here. I miss what should have been. I miss what I had dreamed up for us. I know it’s silly, but with your due date passing I feel like I have to say goodbye all over again. I feel like this goodbye is more final somehow.
To add salt to the open wound I know several people who have had babies in the past few weeks, or that are due within the next week. I’m not bitter towards them, and am actually happy for them, but it does make me feel like I’ve failed you even more somehow.
I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you safe. I’m sorry you never got to see the love we have for you on our faces. I’m sorry I never got to see your smile or hear your giggle. But, I’m hoping you felt how much you were loved when I would sing to you, or talk to you when we were alone. I hope you know the love your dad had for you when he would kneel down and talk to you and tell you how excited he was to meet you. I hope you felt the kisses your brother gave you every morning when I would leave for work. I hope you know we prayed for you every night. You were, and forever will be so loved sweet boy.
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